Let's Laugh - HumpDay Humor

One thing most people loved about former First Lady Barbara Bush was her sense of humor.

Many women remember her for her famous pearl necklace she wore. She made no bones about the fact that the pearls were fake.

Mrs. Bush was sharply intelligent and witty. Many times her spontaneous comments caught people by surprise.

One can well imagine someone doing a "spit-take" when she spouted something completely hilarious—like today's quotation.

When George H.W. Bush lost his bid for a second presidential term, many people across the country had said they hadn't want four more years of George, but they wanted to keep Barbara for four more years of Barbara.

Mrs. Bush was the second oldest First Lady after Anna Harrison, wife of President William Henry Harrison, and, generally, was one of the most popular.

One of the most common criticisms about her was her protectiveness for all members of her far-flung family. But isn't that what a matriarch is supposed to do?

During her stint as First Lady, she received more than 100,000 letters a year which was a record. She devoted her time to advocacy for Literacy and for AIDS patients and research.

She is ranked 9th on the list of Best 20th and 21st Century First Ladies. Mrs. Bush passed away April 17, 2018

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

The quote above is one of my favorite. Laugh and enjoy.

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Happy Friday - Let's Laugh

I seem to have started a series of Friday posts built around humor.

Let's end the week with a chuckle.

The wise words quoted here are from the talented actress, Sharon Stone.

I don't know if she's the first to have said this, or if a comedian is actually the source of this witticism.

In any event, it's funny—and true.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Wishing you a great weekend. I've got a fabulous recipe for you tomorrow.

See you Saturday, here on SlingWords.

Hump Day Humor - Questioning Grandma

If you love Small Town Romance, you're going to love this story. I posted it many years ago, but I found it still lurking in an old folder in my file cabinet.

It made me laugh out loud again so I thought I'd share it with today's audience because many of you have joined in the last 10 years and probably hae never read this.

ORIGIN OF THIS STORY / JOKE / INCIDENT

I honestly don't know if this was a joke or story someone made up. I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually a true event because I know several grandmotherly types in my hometown who would have acted exactly like this!

One of my friends who grew up with me in our small Southern town sent this to me. He and I could probably name more than a dozen women, heck, make that two or three dozen, who could be the Southern grandma at the heart of this story. But let me stop talking and format the rest of this post.

SOUTHERN GRANDMA IN COURTROOM

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. 

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. 

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" 

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Yes, dear readers, ladies like that still inhabit small southern towns.  So, never ask one a question if you don't want an unfiltered, strictly honest answer.

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Happy Friday - Laughter For You

End the work week with a laugh that, for a romance author, sounds like inspiration for a romcom!

I made the Quote Graphic so you could copy and print it if you wish.

This comes from Sally Poplin, who isn't a "real" person.

Sally Poplin is a fictitious humorist often cited in British and international books of quotations.

"She" is best known for witty one-liners about marriage, modern dating, and personal finance.

Now you know if you see quotations allegedly by Sally Poplin, that she is a made-up person. 

TAKEAWAY TRUTH 

Who do you think is the wit behind her—a real person or an AI entity?

EAT DESSERT FIRST?

Happy Wednesday! Enjoy this Hump Day post. 

When I was a kid, I read one of those funny lines you see on buttons and tee shirts. It said: "Life is short. Eat dessert first."

I think that’s why so many people struggle in life—they want to eat dessert first rather than start at the beginning of the meal and enjoy each course that’s served.

Of course, I’m describing those who want to start at the top and who don’t seem to understand that no one really starts at the top—unless they’re the offspring of the company founder or a prodigy of some sort and perhaps not even then.

PAYING DUES

You know about paying due or whatever you choose to call the process of beginning, making mistakes, and learning. Some way or other, everyone pays their dues. Doctors start as interns before they become the leading doctor at a hospital. First year lawyers start out at the bottom pecking order of law firms. Electricians start out as apprentices. Writers start out as newbies trying to hack out a writing career and build an audience for their work.

Anyone who thinks he or she can jump into a high status position at a corporation or be rewarded by an ownership role in a small independent company—or become a bestselling author overnight—just doesn’t realize what the world is all about.

Whether you’re a corporate accountant, a bank teller, or a writer publishing a first book, you need to understand that success is not made overnight. Success is made by baby steps then bigger steps and sometimes leaps forward every now and then. Consistency of action leads to progress.

If you enjoy each leg of the journey, not impatiently striving to leap over steps, you’ll find more satisfaction in your career—and in life—than someone who is never satisfied and constantly longing for more, more, more.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

If Life is a seven-course dinner, then savor and enjoy the appetizers before moving on to the soup. The pleasure that comes from each “course” will keep you satisfied and inspired to experience the next stage in your career and in Life when it comes along. That's my 2¢ opinion. What do you think?

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Take Me Away to a Beach

I feel as if I need a vacation, but I just returned a few days ago from one!

I've spent most of the week catching up on, but I'm still not up to date.

Sigh.

Wish I could slip away to a quiet, calm beach, but that's not going to happen.

So...I look at pictures of beaches. LOL.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Love this beacy quotation by some Unknown beach lover. If you take a beach vacation this summer, leave a comment and tell me about it.

Think As You Wake

In Darling Hubby's Happy Friday post, I read this quote and liked it so much that I'm sharing it here with you.

These wise words came from the Dalai Lama. I'm sorry. I don't know which incarnation of the Dalai Lama said it.

In case you don't know exactly who the Dalai Lama is, he is the highest spiritual leader and head of Tibetan Buddhism. The current Dalai Lama is the 14th, and he is 90 years old.

The Dalai Lama served as the resident spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet before 1959.

After that year, he led the Tibetan government in exile as represented by the Central Tibetan Administration in Dharamsala, India.

Now you know who he is so let me share what he said. 

"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards 

others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."

I'd like to take that apart and present each thought separtely and put a personal emphasis on his words. 

As you wake up each day, think these thoughts.

I am fortunate to be alive.

I AM a precious human life.

I am not going to waste my life.

I am going to use all my energies to develop myself.

I am going to use all my energies to expand my heart out to other.

I am going to use all my energies to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings.

I am going to have kind thoughts toward others.

I am not going to get angry at other people or think badly of them.

I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Those are wise words that I hope you take to heart. They're another way of saying, "Be a blessing to others." Have a lovely Sunday.

Books are little vacations between two covers. Pick up a book today and take a vacation!

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10 Ways NOT to Succeed

 I've been trying to write this book since the beginning of the year.

Trying to write a book is vastly different from writing a book.

To quote that famous philospher: "Do or do not. There is no try." —Yoda

With a new month started, I was so disgusted with so little progress that I read a post I wrote many years ago. I needed that reminder of certain truths I know. but am consistently ignoring.

Reading it helped me so maybe it will help you if you have a project that you just can't seem to bring to completion. Just substitute the name of your project where I call it Book and Writing.

Peck,peck,peck.

10 WAYS NOT TO SUCCEED

1. Wait until everything in your life is perfect before starting.

2. If started, wait each day until all the other nitpicky things of daily life have been done before you tackle your writing.

3. Write only when you feel like it rather than establishing a weekly quota of pages or words produced.

4. Write and rewrite the first chapter, not moving ahead until you have the beginning done to perfection.

5. Find a way to procrastinate. For instance, when you finally get to a new chapter, decide it's time to design the cover art. Get lost in that project and drown in indecision until the month is over. Then go back to the manuscript at which point you've lost your enthusiasm for the project.

6. Wallow in indecision about the story, the genre, the marketability, the cover—even after you've had a dozen created—rather than moving forward because that's so much easier than facing the blank page each day.

7. Take on a volunteer project that benefits all of your friends because you feel it must be done as soon as possible rather than procrastinating on it to write a book which is such hard work.

8. Take on another volunteer project because you finished the previous one.

9. Realize that you have 2 trips coming up so you know you won't get the book finished before then so set it aside to get your hair done, a mani-pedi, and new shorts and tops or whatever you think must be done now, now, now.

10. When you think about your work in progress, you get depressed so stop thinking about it. Watch some captivating documentary on TV when the itch to write makes you uncomfortable.

Depressing? You betcha. Fortunately, you'll eventually come to your senses and start saying NO to anything that isn't writing the book. You'll go to your office, give yourself a stern lecture, and start writing.

TAKEAWY TRUTH

Thomas Carlyle said, "Our main business is NOT to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." That means FOCUS on what you set out to do, and get it done. That's what I'm doing now. I'm writing, NOT trying to write.

Books are little vacations between two covers. Take a vacay today—read a book!. If you love reading, sign up for Joan's free newsletter, I LOVE READING, and receive exclusive content and news about book bargains and new releases. SIGN UP TODAY.

May the 4th Be With You

Yes, today is Star Wars Day. If you ever wondered how this pun captured May 4th, here's an explanation.

May the 4th be with you originated with an advertisement taken out by the UK's Conservative Party in the London Evening News on May 4, 1979.

The phrase was used to congratulate Margaret Thatcher on becoming Prime Minister. The ad read: "May the Fourth Be With You, Maggie. Congratulations."

Given the popularity of the Star Wars movies, the phrase captured everyone's imagination and spread like wildfire.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

May the 4th be with you today and every day that follows.

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AT LAST, MAY

Ah, the merry month of May.

I love what Longfellow wrote in his journal about this month where everything blooms and brings joy to the heart.

"The word May is a perfumed word... It means youth, love, song; and all that is beautiful in life." —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1861

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Enjoy this lovely month and get ready for summer's heat.

💟 💟 💟

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Wednesday Wise Words - Time

Today's quote is by Harvey Mackay, an American businessman, author, and syndicated columnist with Universal Uclick for which he gives career and inspirational advice.

You've probably heard or read his most famous book, How to Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.

One of the secrets of success is learning how to use your allotted time each day rather than frittering it away on unimportantmportant tasks.

Mr. Mackay is 94 now so he definitely knows the importance of using time effectively. Here's what he said.

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back."

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Like money, time is something you can't take with you when you die. When you're living, time is more important than money because yo can always make more money, but you can't make more time.

Romance Gems...Where Authors and Readers Meet 

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Time Keeps On Ticking Ticking

Lord Chesterfield famously said, "Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today."

We all bemoan the lack of time to do everything we need to do and want to do, but ask yourself: how do I use my time?

Do you spend your allotted hours each day effectively or do you frivolously spend your hours in the purusit of entertainment?

 Everyone is given the same 24 hours a day. How do some people create success, prosperity, and happiness and others muddle along in a life full of discouragement?

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Success starts with attitude, desire to live full of joy, belief in oneself, and learning to use time effectively. There are a million books, classes, videos, and lectures that teach one how to harness the potential inside. Believe.

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The Faster I Go, The Behinder I Get

Like Dr. Seus once said,  "How did it get so late so soon?"

I can't believe my blogging fell off a cliff.

I've been so busy with an authors' group I'm in plus writing my current book and trying to figure out the best cover for that new book, that I've ignored you beautiful SlingWords Readers.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

I promise not to ignore you again. (I sincerely hope that's a promise I can keep.)

APRIL FOOL BRIDE, a Modern Marriage of Convenience Romance

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Thought for the Week - Age

 

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Don't let your age define you.

People of every age achieve amazing things.

Just believe in yourself.

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February Thought

I read this today and thought it was very appropriate.

"If January is the month of change, February is the month of lasting change. January is for dreamers… February is for doers." — Marc Parent

Change requires action. Taking action proves you really want to change something in the status quo.

This week. Figure out all the steps needed to make the change you desire.

Then take that first step

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Quit dreaming. Take action. I believe you can do it.

Best Quote for the New Year

Because of my eye infection, I'm still limited by how much time I can spend online so today's post is super short.

It's also really good advice.

"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." —Carl Bard

Really think about this. Now is the time to decide.

Once the decision is made, take the next step.

ACT!

Nothing good is ever achieved without taking action. 

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Good luck. I'm rooting for you!

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Christmas Quotations With a Chuckle Inside

Image by Alexa from Pixabay

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and I'm glad. Christmas should be a season of joy—a time of good cheer, smiles, and laughter.

After all, "There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor." —from A Christmas Carol

Smiles and laughter are the best way to chase away any holiday blues that many suffer from. 

Here's a baker's dozen from my favorite quotations about the holidays because, as Rosie Thomas said, "Christmas works like glue. It keeps us all sticking together."

"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard." —Andy Borowitz

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." —Phyllis Diller

"Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." —Dave Barry

"I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk, and he put a solar panel in my stocking." —Unknown

"Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas." —Stephen Graham Jones

"Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year." —Victor Borge

"Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name." —Erma Bombeck

"I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange." —Henry Youngman

"I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." —Maya Angelou

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." —Johnny Carson

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." —Bob Phillips

"There's no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor's yard." —Dan Florence

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, 'Toys not included.'" —Bernard Manning

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Spread Joy today—you never know how many people may need a smile and a laugh.

Joan participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, affiliate advertising designed to help websites earn advertising fees by linking to products on Amazon. If you click an Amazon link in her post, she may receive a small commision at no extra cost to you.

Add some Love and Laughter to your Christmas.

STUCK ON THE NAUGHTY LIST 

"A must read for fans of small towns and second chances."

99¢ Christmas Sale or KU.

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Bumper Sticker - Vol. 1

Image by Saleh Perdomo, Pixabay

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. Early. With lab work required which meant I'd been fasting since midnight. I was sleepy, hungry, and coffee deprived.

On my way to the appointment, I saw the funniest bumper sticker on the car in front of me at a red light.

Pretend to honk if you love mimes.

Oh, my. I honked and I laughed which helped me shake my grouchy mood and put a smile on my face.

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Laughter can quickly change a mood. I guess it really is the best medicine.

Sunday Thoughts - Dogs Are Awesome

In my book, April Fool Proposition, the heroine and hero get a "mutual" dog that I modeled after Freddie, our daughter's golden doodle.

At left, you can see Freddie in a birthday photo from a few years ago. He's all grown up now and is the most intelligent, loving dog one could hope to have.

I've written a few books with dogs as characters because I love dogs. If you're looking for unconditional love, then you need to get a dog.

As a dog lover—no offense to cats and cat lovers—I want to share some of my favorite dog quotes. I think they prove my point that dogs are awesome.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. —Andy Rooney

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. —James Thurber

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul—chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! —Anne Tyler

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' —Dave Barry

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts. —John Steinbeck

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. —Robert Benchley

Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog. —Anonymous 

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. —Mark Twain

Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell. —Emily Dickinson

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. —Orhan Pamuk

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can=t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. —Anonymous

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. —Will Rogers

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What's the Biggest Killer Ever?

Through millennia, what is the biggest killer of all? 

Fear.

It kills hopes, dreams, optimism, futures, happiness, relationships, and everything good in life.

Fear afflicts people and entire countries.

The most reprehensible are those who are fear-mongers. Beware of letting a little anxiety turn into full-blown fear.

Everyone has something they fear. "When your dreams are bigger than the places you find yourself in, sometimes you need to seek out your own reminders that there is more. And there is always more waiting for you on the other side of fear." — Elaine Welteroth

Never allow little fears to grow and take over your life. Motivational speaker Les Brown said, "Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears."

TAKEAWAY TRUTH

Choose to live your dreams, not your fears.

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