Tired Writers Need Humor

I'm really tired this morning. Been punching the keys too long and too hard. When you add in waiting for Kindle to make my corrected book upload live, along with everything else in my life, you get a writer on the edge.

That's why, when I opened my email and read the one from my friend Frank, I laughed like a toddler with a balloon. Now I feel so much better.

So, Readers, in case you'd also benefit from the therapeutic effect of a good belly laugh, here's my prescription for you. Take as many jokes as needed. No side effects listed. Oh, I altered some of these so they're just for writers.

Laughter, The Best Medicine

1. Possessing a computer and the ability to type doesn't make you a writer any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

3. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

4. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Or not.

5. F*** OFF is not a proper response to a book reviewer. (If you've been following that Internet feeding frenzy, you know to what I reference.)

6. How is it one careless writer can start a flame war, but it takes the rest of the Internet to turn it into a feeding frenzy that could teach sharks a thing or two?

7. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

8. There are a lot of people who want to be writers, but it turns out that they just want to have written. (That's when they discover how hard it is. Maybe they should be called wroters.)

9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

10. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

12. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! (And, thus, best-selling authors are born.)

13. When tempted to fight fire with fire, especially in an online flame war, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water to put out fires.

14. You're never too old to learn something stupid. Or to do something stupid.

15. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. (That way you can always say you hit your writing goals.)

16. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Takeaway Truth

Learn to take life with a grain of salt -- and a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.