5 Ways to Survive Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving should be fun for everyone. If it's not, then you're working too hard, and your family isn't working hard enough.

Fortunately, I have some timely tips to help you throw a big holiday, Norman Rockwell-type dinner.

Planning is the key to pulling this off. So get your notepad and pen, and I'll tell you how to throw a fabulous feast with very little effort.

Planning is the Key

1. Make a list of those who can be suckered invited to cook the big items like the turkey, dressing, gravy, pies, and cakes etc.

2. Make another list of those who can be coerced asked to bring smaller items like salad for 20, enough dinner rolls to send the strictest low-carber into salivating spasms, relish trays which no one will eat but which look nice on the table, and all those other accompaniments that people think must be on the Thanksgiving table.

3. After shirking delegating as many tasks as possible, if you get stuck cooking anything, then that means food must be bought at the supermarket during the most frantic time of the year. Grit your teeth and pump up your resolve. Turn a deaf ear to your hubby's pleas, and send him to the store. Make sure you've properly prepared the shopping list though with color photographs of each item and a description including quantity and size of can or whatever.

4. On the big day, cheerfully greet everyone. After a few minutes, fan your face and mutter something about not feeling well because you were up all night arranging the seating order at the dining table. Look flustered. This works best if you're over 50. Everyone will automatically assume you're having a hot flash, but they'll pretend they don't think that and buy your excuse of overwork. What's even better is they won't bother you when you go to the bedroom and close the door. (Be sure to keep the volume on the TV down while you lounge on the bed watch TV, waiting for dinner to be finished.)

5. When you estimate that most of the work is done, emerge, making copious apologies for getting on in years and not able to do all you once did. Again, it helps to have a sad look on your face rather than the gleeful expression you had while watching a marathon of Vampire Diary, House of Cards, or Orphan Black--whatever your favorite guilty pleasure might be. Lay it on thick and you may be able to get out of cleaning up after the meal.

Takeaway Truth

Let me know if these tips work. If you're really successful, you can get away with this at Christmas too!