None of That Sissy Crap

Let's get inspired! My good friend Elaine Raco Chase sent me this. You may have seen it, but I hadn't. It totally tickled my funny bone because I don't like all those sappy odes to friendship that float around the Net. Don't get me wrong. I think genuine friendship is one of the pleasures and necessities of life. I just don't like the flowery, complete-with-kittens, cheap sentimentality. What Elaine sent though is the kind of heart-felt sentiment that Terminator Chick would email.

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy friendship poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off.

9. This is my oath. I pledge it to the end. Why? Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.