Rejection refusal

Ever get a rejection letter? Then you’ll enjoy this. It’s my variation on the supposed letter that makes the email circuit every spring. You know the one I mean? It's supposed to be a letter from the college grad to a prospective employer who refused him a position.

The first time I read the college version, I, of course, immediately thought of the rampant editorial refusal writers face. The next time you get a rejection from an editor or an agent, don’t sit there and take it. Reject it! At least, remember this and let the humor take away the sting.

* * * *

Dear Editor:

Thank you for your rejection letter of March 5. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that it does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I am unable to accept your rejection of my manuscript proposal.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising group of editors rejecting me, it is impossible to comment on each rejection letter or to accept all refusals.

Despite your previous experience in rejecting authors and your wonderfully ambiguous form letter, I find that your rejection simply does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I am forwarding the full manuscript to you immediately for prompt publication.

Best of luck in rejecting future manuscripts from other authors.

Very truly yours,
Ima Starving Author