Security system writers can afford

Who creates these things that float around cyber space? Unfortunately, at what we writers earn, this is the only security system we can afford.

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a really big dog dish beside it. Leave a note on your front door that says: Bubba, Big Mike, and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 30 minutes. Don't disturb the pit bulls. They've just been wormed, and they're a little edgy.