I found a list of funny aphorisms I'd saved years ago. You know what an aphorism is, right?
A short, pointed sentence that expresses a wise or clever observation or general truth. These perfectly fit the definition. Enjoy!
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.—Attributed to Bill Gates and others.
2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.—Kinky Friedman
3. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.—Unknown
4. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. —Sidney Goff
5. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? —Doug Larson
6. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? —Unknown (probably every person who ever attended a reunion)
7. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.—Unknown
8. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.—George Carlin
9. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.—Unknown
10. Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in an old Corolla.
Life's too short not to laugh. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.