1. Always use the hard sell.
Sell. Sell. Sell. In every blog post, all the time, never cease pushing your book or your product.
2. Don't pay any attention to the visual aspects of your website.
Who cares if it's not eye pleasing? So what if images overlay text in some areas. Why not have one main page that scrolls to infinity rather than go to the trouble of distributing the content by creating other pages?
3. Use lots of different fonts.
There are hundreds and hundreds of eye catching fonts available. Why limit yourself to just one? Experiment and use a lot of different ones - the harder to read, the better.
4. Be sure and use colored fonts.
Why choose plain old black? It's so mundane. Use chartreuse, magenta, pink, yellow, and red. Really mix it up.
5. Be sure and choose a black background.
Black is dramatic. Who cares if it's difficult to read text on a black background? Who cares if someone's eyes water when they're trying to read that pink text on black. Make it really challenging and use dark gray text on a gray background. That will make them really concentrate.
6. Be sure and have your website open with music.
Who doesn't love music? The louder the better. Of course, pick something out of the mainstream like Glenn Miller if you came of age during World War II. Who cares if it brands you as old to a young visitor who stumbles across your site. If you're young and hip, make it bitch slappin' rap. Who cares if it offends every woman who chances upon your website?
7. Use animated gifs.
Blinking and gyrating animation attracts attention. No one would leave your site just because that pulsating image causes eyestrain and a headache.
8. Write without regard to spelling and grammar.
After all, who worries about grammar and spelling in this brave new world? If you've got a product to sell, they'll buy even though your content is full of errors. Surely visitors wouldn't equate correct grammar with attention to detail in fulfilling an order properly. So what if your own name on the website is misspelled. You don't have time to proofread everything, do you?
9. Be sure and include broken links.
When you write about something and link to it, don't bother with making sure the link is correct. Why go to the trouble of shortening a 300 character link by using Tiny URL or something similar. If the link gets broken, won't the site visitor painstakingly type it into their browser?
10. Always be inconsistent with posting.
Visitors will eagerly check back every day even if you haven't posted since New Year's Eve. Why work so hard to present new content on a regular basis? Every other week or month is good enough to keep my visitors coming back, isn't it?
Duh! Do the opposite of every enumerated rule, and you'll succeed with your Internet presence.