Southern grandma

Occasionally, I post something funny. This joke is more than a joke. A friend who grew up with me sent it to me today. We are both from the same small southern town. He and I could probably name more than a dozen women, heck, make that two or three dozen, who could be the Southern grandma at the heart of this story.

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."


  1. Wow! That's so funny! Thanks for sharing; I needed the laugh today!

  2. I laughed so hard at reading this my children came running to see what was wrong! That's just so great. And so true. I moved to a small southern town and everyone here knows everything about everyone else! It's wonderfully amusing.

  3. Just Me, it's hilarious but so very true. I just contracted for an essay I wrote "Your People" to be published in an anthology "Southern Inspirations" and it's all about how people are in the South.