Punish spammers - a primetime special

Do you know if anyone has started a petition to give capital punishment for spammers? If so, I'm willing to sign it. I'm so fed up with the deluge that circumvents spam filters which will trash important emails and let the crap through in too many instances.

Okay, maybe capital punishment is a little severe so how about corporal punishment? With a wooden paddle like Mr. Lyles, my high school science teacher, wielded. It was about three feet long with a shaped handle so he could swing it easily. That sucker was a good four inches wide at the widest part and was made of hardrock maple. It was infamous in our school back in the day. Of course, girls didn't get paddles because there's no way any girl would be dumb enough to do something to merit The Paddle.

Let's sell broadcast rights to the event and have it beamed by satelite all over the world. Line those spammers up. You know the people I mean. They're the ones who send endless streams of emails. Emails wanting to show you porn pictures of children and adults and animals in sexually depraved acts. Emails wanting to sell you medical marvels to turn a man into something resembling a freak of nature. Emails wanting to sell bootleg prescriptions that are dangerous. Emails wanting to steal your financial information so they can steal your identity, reputation, and every last dime you've got. Yeah, those creeps.

Line them up, and have Mr. Lyles come out. In his booming, terrifying bass voice, he'd command: "Bend over and grab your ankles."

Mr. Lyles never gave more than one lick with his paddle. But the punishment should fit the crime so give those spammers what they deserve based upon the obnoxious quality of what they've done and continue doing. Give them, oh, I don't know. How many can the human buttocks withstand without doing internal damage? That many.

I predict worldwide that the primtime special "Punish The Spammers" would be number one in the ratings which, of course, means it would instantly be made into a weekly series.

Probably with William Shatner as host.

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